This new and improved version of LegitimateBitch.com now contains the collected writings of Peter Barton Fletcher.
For my entire life I have been plagued by the memory of three little grasshoppers. Two hopped into my hair when I was a child and they gave birth to a third little hoppy dude. The three provided me with companionship and lots of tobaccy for chawin' on but dang if those little critters didn't make a mess in my hair. Then one day I made a discovery that change all our lives---Shampoo.
They seem to have gone now and I find myself alone and afraid. But I'm still chewing things---
That's what really counts.
Who is This Bitch?
Here I am with in all my glory! I'm holding my Soul. My Soul is perfectly round and my Soul bounces. My Soul weighs 18 lbs. and would cost $27.80 US currency to mail it priority.
I'm the guitar player for a band in LA called Pigmy Love Circus. The band features myself, Shepherd Stevenson on bass, Danny Carey on drums and Mike Savage on vocals. (Danny also plays in that band TOOL but I don't hold that against him, he knows where the real beef is.) I've got ugliest amp, ugliest guitar and most beautiful wife in Hollywood.
I don't consider myself all that funny--- I really am as angry as I sound but it comes off to some people as trying to be witty. Well, those people can
KISS MY FAT HAIRY BLACK ASS 'CAUSE I'VE HAD ABOUT ALL THE SHIT I CAN TAKE FROM EVERYBODY AND I'M SO FUCKIN' PISSED OFF!
I hate the homeless!
I hate the homeless. I know what a few people will think of me: I don't have compassion for my fellow man and I should be hung by the neck until shot because I don't feel sorry for the lost souls of the street urchins in Los Angeles. Well, FUCK what those people think! I don't believe there are many people who actually like the homeless and want to do something profound for them that will advance their dismal lot in life. If there are folks like that then maybe these Samaritans should take the homeless home with them-then the homeless would simply be 'house guests'. I say: If you want to be homeless in LA, you have to run a steam cleaner or push a broom all goddamn nightlong. You are to be hosed off every day and you are to use deodorant and you are to brush your teeth! Begging and panhandling is strictly FORBIDDEN. If you pass out in the public view, you risk being dragged off and burned. That's easy enough.
I know some of these street "people" are completely mental and are out of their minds. That doesn't mean they should be walking the boulevard. Put'em away somewhere where they won't be an eyesore and threaten the public well being. I'm not remotely convinced that all these hand out jockeys are truly homeless. Some are dressed just a little too nicely to be on the skids and their rap is a bit too car salesman. So, go ahead and call me a creep...then think of me the next time some gross, black toothed, drooling, matted haired loser accosts you at a 7-11 for your hard-earned "spare"change...I don't know what spare change is but I sure got asked for it a lot.
And that really PISSES ME OFF!
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